As I hold this toasty cup in my hand,
with crumbly sunlight filtering through this misty morning,
and steam gingerly rising up from the cup,
disappearing into the disappearing fog,
I’m reminded of what warmth feels like
in the middle of winter.
Not much to add to this today.. đ
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Credits: Quote by yours truly. Pic created with Canva.
Just one of those days today. Contemplative. Thinking about the connections I have made over the years with people. Now that I think about it, itâs only natural to be in this mood, this time of the year: âtis the season! The year-end holidays give us an opportunity to pause and to look back on the year gone by. And sometimes, on more than just the current year.
Have you also ever reflected on the people youâve crossed paths with in your journey? And Iâm not talking about family. We are kind of born into this group of people. Iâm talking about friends, partners, colleagues, and even strangers in some cases.
At this point, Iâd encourage you to think about someone whom you know well now, who is important to you, but who was once a stranger.
Now think about how, over time, you have come to trust, rely on, and confide in this person, who was once upon a time a total stranger.
Iâm guessing you guys found a mutual connection somewhere. Of course, the connection wouldâve solidified and become stronger over time, but the potential of this connection was always there, wasnât it? Yet did you really know that one day, you would connect with this person this way, when you had first met them?
And that brings me to the point of my post today: there is so, so much more to people than what first meets the eye!
Every person has a story. Every person is a story. Every. Single. One.Â
And sometimes, we tend to forget just how deep and rich these stories can be! There are so many little things that make us who we are today. Things we have done, things that interest us, things that we want to do, things that keep us going.
Itâs easy to get caught up in the fast-paced life of today. Everyone is rushing from one thing to another, one day to another. Work, family, friends, our own interests, everything demands our time and attention. Itâs rare to find people who can say they have extra time in their life; most of us always have more things to do than what we can manage.
In this rush, itâs easy to see people, and yet not really see them. We come across so many people today, whether through work, social media, dating apps, travel, whatever. And when we meet all these people, we quickly put them into buckets, based on broad categorization criteria like their appearances, or job profile, or family background, or a myriad of other ways..
But people are more than that, arenât they? Arenât you?
A lot of what makes us, us, are the little details about our lives. The pet projects and pet peeves that we have. The quirks, the edges.
I think most of us go through “phases” in our life. During any one of these phases, we are very much into one particular thing or another. Some examples: those years or months when you were into sports. Or gymming, gaming, singing, reading, learning a foreign language, baking, traveling, blogging… The list can be endless. These are like the sub-plots in our âmainâ storyline. We do these on the side, while on our main journey of studying, working, dating, family, etc.
Sometimes, one of these “phases” consumes us enough that we want to pursue it rigorously. We may decide to take it up as a career, or stay invested in it some way or another for life. Most of the time, we simply outgrow these phases. Sometimes, we move on to a different phase. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our “main” storyline, that all these other things seem childish and a waste of time.
But irrespective of what happens to these phases in the end, the fact remains that at some point, they were a significant part of our life. And I feel that over a lifetime, these small things taken together is what really makes us unique. Millions of people do the job that I do. Millions come from similar socio-economic backgrounds. Millions might have the same kind of family structure that I have. Yet, everyone is unique. Why? Because no two people would’ve had the exact same kind of life because of these small details.
And I find getting to know these details about people fascinating! Discovering these tidbits about a person makes me feel more connected to them.
[As I write this, I realize this sense of âdiscoveryâ is a recurring theme with me. Few years ago, I talked about something similar, when I wrote about âthe joy of discovering connectionsâ.]
Anyway, getting back to the main theme of this post: A friend was recently telling me about one such phase of her life. And it made me feel like I was seeing this side of her that I had not known of before at all. And thereâs so much that you learn about a person even from the smallest of things, isnât it?! The reasons why someone gets into something, why they keep doing it, and why they stop. I had an even greater appreciation for this friend after getting to know this part of her life.
And it made me realize that there are so many such mini-stories within the main story of everyoneâs life. And this is true not just for others, but for ourselves too! Which is something that at least I, personally, tend to forget sometimes.
But yeah, the thing I want to remember from that night, and the thing that I hope youâll take away from this piece is this: people are way more than what meets the eye. So, ask them their stories. Of course, not everyone would be willing to share theirs with everyone else, but if they give you that privilege, recognize it as one. Ask them what things they were into as kids, as teens, as young adults. Even the things they are into now. And the things that piss them off. And the things they think about late at night when they canât sleep. Really get to know them. It can be a beautiful and life-affirming experience.
And on a related note: look for opportunities to share your story too! Some people might find it hard to initiate talking about themselves. I do sometimes (Ok, maybe not in writing, but in person, yes.. đ ). We tend to overthink that why would someone else be bothered about these things about us, perhaps we shouldnât bore everyone with our weirdness. But chances are they just might appreciate us sharing all of these things! I know I am glad that my friend decided to share that story.
If you are a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. fan, maybe you can relate to this example: Remember the series finale, where Monica reveals that Ross tried to make it as a dancer in New York, and Ross replies that they almost went 10 years without this topic coming up? Such a small detail, a passing reference really, and yet, didnât we feel like we knew so much more about Ross just based on this one thing? Didnât we feel more âconnectedâ to the character?
As another year dawns tomorrow, perhaps this can be our new year resolution: that we will try to connect more with those around us – that we will encourage them to share their stories, that we will strive to be more open ourselves.
I donât know about you, but it seems like a good idea to me! đ
* * *
On that note, Iâll wrap up for this year. On a personal front, this year was one of the toughest for me, for several reasons. Of course, I donât want to lose sight of the fact that this year was far worse for so many others, owing to wars, climate catastrophes, natural disasters, poverty, political conflicts, etc. So, Iâm just glad this year is in the rear-view mirror now for everyone.
Hereâs hoping that the coming year brings a lot more peace, prosperity, health, happiness, laughter, and love for you, and for everyone around the world. The world really can do with some better days!
Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year! đĽ
See you on the other side.. đ
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If you are one of those few who read the title correctly (âPhases Of The Moodâ), and think thereâs a typo there, let me tell you: that is not a typo. đ
We have all heard of the phases of the Moon. The Moon waxes and wanes as it revolves around the Earth in a 29-day cycle. And as it does so, some days it shines brightly in the sky, some days not so much. And some days, not at all.
Indulging in a little bit of personification here, but recently, I was looking at the crescent Moon, and it made me wonder: Does the Moon doubt itself on those days when it shines less brightly, or not at all? Must it feel like an imposter, that on the rare days when it does shine with all its might, it’s just a random fluke?
We are all like the Moon in a way, isn’t it? Some days, we are high on energy. We feel good, and we light up our surroundings. While on some other days, we feel low, and canât âshineâ as brightly. We question whether we are good for anything. We have self-doubt.
But as I continued to admire the Moon, even in its crescent form, I realized something: the Moon may shine less brightly on some days, but it’s still the very same Moon that shines as brightly as it does on the Full Moon nights!
The Moon is what it is – it remains whole, whether it shines brightly, or not at all. It doesnât change one bit, no matter how much it is glowing on a particular day. It’s only a matter of circumstances – being in a certain place at a certain time – that affects how bright it appears. And actually, itâs not even about the Moon itself if you think about it. It is about where the observer is in relation to the Moon. If one could leave Earth and be in the right place, they would see a Full Moon every night!
So, on those days, when we are feeling low, or inadequate, or having self-doubts, it would do us well to remember that just like it's simply the phases of the Moon, and nothing more, that affect how brightly the Moon glows that night, we also go through our own phases of the mood.
We remain the very same radiant being who has illuminated their surroundings earlier. If somebody tells us that our light is no longer the same as before, maybe they are just catching us in a bad phase. A matter of circumstances. Maybe our current disposition is just an intermediate step on our way to full glow. A phase of our mood. Or perhaps the observer themselves is not at the right viewpoint to see our full potential.
It is totally okay to go through these phases of the mood. The thing to keep in mind is that the whole of us is still there. Not glowing as brightly on some days doesnât mean we are any less of a person than what we were earlier.
And just like itâs a given that the Full Moon will eventually come around, we too will once again shine with all our light soon enough.
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As J.K. Rowling said:
Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.
– Albus Dumbledore in “Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows”
I absolutely love this quote! And I couldn’t agree more. Words are indeed magical, and we can all do with a little bit of their magic.
And sometimes, we are the only ones who can bring that magic in our own lives. Because, we know ourselves. Because, the stakes are highest for us. Because, if we don’t, nobody else will.
So, find the words that give you hope. That show you the way forward when you feel lost. Only you would know the exact words to use.
Find them, write them down, and then put them on the walls, on your screens, in your heart.
And remember them on the days when you need a glimmer of hope.
Everyone needs to be a writer.
– Ehsaas
Not for anyone else, but oneself.
Because there will be days when you need the right words to get back up.
And the only person whose words would work would be yourself.
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Credits: Quote by me. Photo created with Canva.
I waited so long to hear from you. A call. A message. Anything. I waited, and I waited.
I realise now that I wasn’t waiting. I was hoping.
Hoping that you still remember me, think of me. Even if just for a second.
Today, I wanted to talk about the issue of âacquired negativityâ that we have to deal with in our lives, which we might not even be aware of on many occasions. That might sound confusing, so let me give you the context first.
So recently, I ran into some issues. Nothing major, just lifeâs little inconveniences. Like when your car battery dies, and you are stuck in the middle of nowhere, or when you come down with an ailment just when you have to go on a vacation, and which you must now cancel as a result.
So life was having a bit of fun at my expense. These things happen, and you just have to deal with them and move on, but I actually was feeling a bit overwhelmed and anxious about this particular incident.
But then, in a moment of clarity, I thought about what was so overwhelming about this thing after all. The answer: nothing really. Something happened, and I had to do something to fix it. Just regular maintenance stuff.
So, why the anxiousness? Good question. I asked myself the same. From what I could tell, this thing was coming from something more deep-rooted than what would appear to a casual observer.
Iâm sure all of us here would agree with the fact that the kind of environment we grow up in affects our future lives pretty significantly. And I grew up with a parent who was easily overwhelmed and prone to get anxious at the smallest of difficulties. They would make a big deal about even the small inconveniences of life (the kind of examples I alluded to earlier), and how difficult our life would be now that we had this new âissueâ to deal with. Overthinking and overanalyzing. Unfortunately, they couldnât stop themselves from projecting the same onto those around, and especially onto an impressionable young mind.
Iâm not trying to blame anyone here for anything, but just trying to highlight that over time, if we keep projecting our own insecurities, anxieties, and worries in our surrounding environment, it affects those around us too. Over time, they start to manifest the exact same insecurities and fears.
And this is true not just of our parents. We, ourselves, do it too – whether as spouses, siblings, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or even as total strangers on the internet – we broadcast our own fears and anxieties in all directions, without really thinking much about the impact they will have on others.
In most cases, if you ask the person responsible, theyâd say, truthfully, that they didnât intend to spread this negativity. But because we live our lives on auto-pilot most of the time, we do end up doing these things, albeit unintentionally and without realizing what we are doing.
Constant exposure to such negativity starts affecting our own thinking and how we deal with life. We start seeing things from the same view that is projected onto us, and in time, and in turn, we start projecting it further onto our own spheres of influence. Negativity begetting negativity.
The good news is positivity begets positivity too! We need someone to break that chain, and even reverse the effects, if possible. And we can do that by being more cognizant of our words and actions. Everyone has some fears and anxieties, and sometimes, we do need to share those with our loved ones, but we should be very careful of how and when we do that, and that we donât burden them with the same unnecessarily, especially when they are not founded on sound reason.
If we can somehow become immune to the negativity surrounding us, and see things objectively for what they are, instead of the imagined demons lurking in the shadows, that would not only improve our own lives, but of those around us also. Instead of getting overwhelmed with lifeâs little inconveniences, we learn how to take them in our stride, and to not let them affect our mental peace. And in time, we can help others with the same too.
Wherever thereâs a problem, thereâs a solution; letâs focus our energies on finding that instead of on dwelling on the problem itself. Itâs not easy though, but we have to try. I have to try. It will be a long journey, but as they say: the longest of all journeys begins with a single step. And the first step on this journey is to realize this whole issue of âacquired negativityâ that we have to deal with.
Maybe all this is pretty obvious to everyone. But just in case it wasnât to you, I hope you found some value in these words, and I hope that you, too, will help in breaking that chain!
Till next time!
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Hi all! So, I came across a wonderful post sometime back on Facebook, and thought would share the same with you today. Yes, it might seem strange, but social media does throw up some good gems sometimes! đ
Hereâs that post:
Isnât that just a wonderful observation?!
And put so well into words by the author! I probably can not do as well a job of it, but I just wanted to expand on that analogy a bit. When I first read that passage, it seemed pretty straight-forward. But when I thought about it a bit more, I realised there was more to it than that.
We carry so much of our past, our experiences, our hurt and anger everyday, and everywhere, with us. You wouldâve guessed: all these are the âglassâ in this metaphor.
But hereâs the thing: Itâs not just restricted to such negative things. Iâd also include positive things like peoplesâ expectations, our own dreams, the longing for things yet to do or achieve, etc. in the definition of that âglassâ. Anything that is part of our psyche, our soul, that we think about regularly as we live our life, is contained in that âglassâ. The key concept is âthoughtâ – the âglassâ is just a collection of thoughts.
Then because of any unfortunate things that have happened to us in the past – losing loved ones, making mistakes, getting accused of things we didnât do, sometimes, just being unlucky – we feel let down by life. We feel injustice was done to us. We feel wronged. We have trouble coming to terms with it. This is the âweightâ of the âglassâ that we carry with us.
But as before, thereâs more to it than that. Even the positive things that I talked about earlier (expectations, hopes, longing) have a weight of their own! It might not seem like it, but somebody driven by the sole goal to achieve something in life, so much so that they become blind to everything else, also carries a weight in a way! When we pine for something so deeply that it hurts, we carry the weight of our longings too! Here, the key concept is âfeelingâ – the âweightâ of the âglassâ is how strongly we feel about our thoughts.
When the unknown author says that we become numb and paralyzed by the weight of the glass if we carry it too long, itâs clear how that would be the case when the glass is made up of our hurt, anger, disappointments, etc. The longer we hold on to these things, the heavier they become, until something has to break.
But this is also true when we feel too strongly about the other things – things like peoplesâ expectations, our value in their eyes, things that we think we need to achieve to be happy, our so called âtargetsâ in life.
Now, Iâm not trying to say that we should let go of our dreams, that we stop working towards our goals, stop wishing for things. No. A life devoid of hopes, dreams, something to look forward to, wouldnât be a life at all.
What I do want to say is, be aware of the weight of even these things.
Everyone knows that they shouldnât hold on to anger, to regrets, etc. Whether we can let go of them is a different story, but at least, we know that these things are not good for us.
But the other things – the weight of the positives – is something we donât realise generally. We live our lives chasing one thing after another, we begin identifying ourselves with our targets, as if they define us. They do not.
Every âglassâ is different, as every human is different. But no matter what your glass is made of, good or bad, put it down, even if just for a short while, whenever it seems to be getting too heavy, before it becomes too late.
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Todayâs post is one of gratitude – the âgrass is green here tooâ kind. To save your time, let me tell you beforehand: thereâs no life lesson here or anything like that; just a pleasant experience I thought Iâd write about now, and maybe, reminisce about one day down the line.
I think most people, at least at some point, think about how, to use the clichĂŠ, the âgrass is greener on the other sideâ. Iâm no different. A few days ago, I was in one of those moods where I wished to be lounging on the lush green grass on the other side of the fence.
But it suddenly struck me that I was actually rolling in some really soft and fresh grass on this side itself. And that too without putting too much effort into mowing the lawn!
Read More »
âIâm scared to be happy.â
I had heard variations of this in the movies. Didnât think it was ridiculous, but it never really touched or connected with anything either. Until now.
The past few months have been disappointing. I know I have my family, my health, a job, a house, food on the table – all that one could need to survive, or even thrive. I know that I should be grateful for what I have, as most of the people in the world donât even have half of those things. And I am.
Itâs just that âneedsâ and âwantsâ are different beasts. And the things that Iâve been really wanting and hoping for, have not been happening, while things that I was not expecting, or looking forward to, have been.Â
So, despite all that I have, Iâve been staring disappointment in the face one day after the other – at work, in personal relationships, finance, health – you name it.Â
There have been moments of joy too. But overall, I havenât been having the best of times these past few months.Â
Until today#.Read More »
Many times in life, we find ourselves in situations where we can’t figure ourselves out. We don’t know why we act or think the way we do. And what we can do if we wanted to change ourselves.
As a typical INFPÂ type personality (yes, I do think thereâs some merit to this personality categorization. Donât know about you, but it works for me at least), I definitely like introspecting and asking questions of myself, and, in the process, discovering more about myself. I may not always be right, but the desire to understand myself better is there.
Even though there are numerous self-help books and articles and talks and so-called âexpertsâ, all telling us about ourselves (some sincerely and helpfully, some not), I think itâs rare to find opportunities to really know ourselves. And rarer still to find those opportunities at the ârightâ time. Because, to really make full use of any such chances, we need to be in the right frame of mind emotionally and spiritually, based on our experiences. Iâve had instances when the same things have made much more sense when I came across them after certain experiences, when I was in a certain place.
Life is a constant teacher, but one has to be ready to receive the lesson to really understand and remember it.
* * *
But you might ask: âWhy does it matter how well I know myself?â Well, to each, her own. Perhaps a person can only answer that question for oneself. Or, who knows, maybe it doesnât even matter for everyone. There are some who even say that knowing oneself could be dangerous. But for me personally, it matters. It matters a lot.Read More »
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