Alternatives. Options. Choices.
It seems like a good thing having them in life, no? Who wouldn’t want that? Where you had one thing earlier, now you have more. Where you could do something one way only, now you can do it in different ways. In general, having alternatives seems beneficial, a good situation to be in. Problems of plenty, right? 🙂
But recently I realized that it may not always be such a good idea. At least for someone like me. Specially, when it is not just a case of “which”, but of “whether”. And there’s a big difference between the two. Let me try to explain with an example.
For most of us, there isn’t much of a choice when it comes to deciding whether we want to work (to make a living) or not. We just have to; what’s the alternative there, right? If we don’t work, where will we get the money for food, for a roof over our head, for clothes, etc.? Of course, we can decide, which field to work in, or which company to work for, or which city to live in. But whether to work at all? That is not a question we can afford to ask ourselves.
Then there are those lucky few who have enough money and resources that they don’t really need to work to make a living, if they didn’t want to. If they wanted to follow a passion of theirs, even though it may not be financially rewarding, they can afford to do that. These people can choose whether to work or not.
And it is in such situations, where I can ask these “whether”-type questions, that I find myself in two minds.
Fortunately or unfortunately (I still don’t know which), my life leading up to this point has been such that I can see alternative paths where there are absolutely none for many of the people that I see around myself.
On the one hand, I feel I’m lucky to at least have that option in the first place – I’m not “bound” by implicit “choices” that I wasn’t even aware existed. Here’s an example of such “choices”: many people, myself included, are raised in a way that makes getting a job straight out of university seem like the most obvious thing. We don’t choose to get a job; we just do, because it is what is supposed to happen. What else are you going to do, if not get a job? We don’t even deliberate whether to get a job at that stage or not.
So, yeah. I’d like to be aware if I’m making such choices. To live consciously. Who knows, I might be able to direct my life in a more beneficial direction? Knowledge is power, no?
On the other hand, it complicates matters a lot more – enough that it makes me think that those who don’t see these alternatives are actually luckier than me, sometimes, in the sense that they can just power ahead with full confidence, without second-guessing their “choice” at every step of the way. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.
I guess it becomes easier to accept failure when you know there wasn’t much that could’ve been done about it. The thing had to be done one way or another. “You tried your best, but failed. Shit happens. Move on,” seems to be the mantra.
But when you know that you didn’t even have to go down this path at all, that you could’ve just chosen a different path, a different life, that wouldn’t even have had this scope for failure, then it becomes slightly more difficult to accept. A classic case of regrets.
And that’s the point. When I don’t know about alternate paths, I also can’t have regrets about making a choice. Of course, there could be other regrets – things I could’ve done differently, said differently, reacted to differently etc. – but there won’t be any regrets about choosing to act. Because, I had to act. There’s no choice in that. I understand if that sounds confusing or if I seem to be rambling. It’s difficult to put that feeling into words.
Conversely, when, powered by the knowledge of the alternatives, I consciously choose to act (or not act) in a certain way, if things don’t work out, it’s like I condemned myself to that fate.
It’s like coming to a fork in the road. You have to pick a path. And ultimately, you do. But would you rather make that choice yourself, or have it made for you? It would be akin to having one of the paths totally hidden out of sight at the fork, and the only path that you would see is the one that you are supposed to take.
I’m all for making informed decisions. Like I said, knowledge is power. But sometimes, the paths ahead are too foggy and unclear, and that makes me wish I wouldn’t have to bear the burden of choosing my own fate.
Sometimes, I yearn for bliss.
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