May your choices reflect your hopes; not your fears.

– Nelson Mandela

Isn’t it a nice feeling to find your thoughts echoed by the greats? 😀

There’s one major difference though: While I can hardly manage to put those thoughts into words at all, the greats say it so succinctly, and with words that just speak to you, that mere mortals like me can just listen to them in awe. If the words above are as soft as falling asleep, mine would be as harsh as the morning alarm!

Even though my words probably won’t do justice to this wonderful quote, I still did want to talk a bit more about it.

* * *

For a long time now, I have been trying to base my decisions on “hope”, rather than “fear” – on something positive as compared to something negative.

For example: I’ve often been told that I’m too “naive” and “simple” in my approach to dealing with the world; that I should change so as to be less trusting, to be more “street-smart”. Now I know that those making these suggestions only have my best interests at heart, and that their belief in their views may well be stemming from some personal experience.

However, from my perspective, I could either give in to the fear of being cheated upon, or I could act with the hope that not everyone is going to be a cheat; that people, in general, are more good than they are bad; that by taking a leap of good faith, I make a positive change to the world. The result of that may or may not be positive, but I need to hope for the better.

Another example: Even though millions of people marry for love,  one main justification given for marriage (at least in India) is so that one is not alone in their life, especially in the later stages. The decision to marry after reaching a certain age is driven by the fear that one will have to face life alone; that they’ll need someone to take care of them as they age. I think if that’s the real motivation behind someone going in for marriage, then it’s a decision based out of fear.

The decision to marry, based on hope, would be driven by the desire to spend one’s life with someone, to spend a lifetime getting to know them, to just be close to them because one loves them, and to declare that love in front of the whole world.

The point is: When choosing to do something, our motivation should be that we actually want to do that, and not because it helps us avoid an unpleasant experience or something that we don’t want to do.

Of course, the world is not perfect, and sometimes we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, in which case, our choice would obviously be driven by the desire to avoid the more unpleasant one. But “hopefully”, we won’t face too many of these situations.

* * *

Making choices out of hope will, most likely, not be an easy choice (pun intended!). We will fall, be betrayed, get our hopes shattered. So, sometimes, I do worry about being too “hopeful” – to the point of being an idiot. It’s not a journey for the faint of heart. But then again, I don’t want the fear of making mistakes (like being too hopeful) to influence my choices.

I’d rather be hopeful, and fall, and pick myself up, than not take the journey at all.

I just pray that I don’t fall too often, and that when I indeed do, I have the strength to pick myself up, and continue on the path as before.

* * *

It’s easier said than done, I know. Different people may face different challenges on this journey.

The biggest challenge that I face is to be mindful of this train of thought when making the actual decisions. Most of the times, we lead very mechanical lives, just going through the motions. It is at such times, when we are not deliberately making a conscious decision, that we let our “default” setting make that decision for us. And it doesn’t always chose the path of hope.

Even if we are aware of the opportunity to make a conscious decision, to overcome fear and act with hope, we then run into the next challenge, which is implementation – to actually go ahead and make the choice out of hope.

This step often meets with strong opposition, which comes from that “default” setting, or instinctive behavior, that I talked about earlier. At any given point of time, we are the product of our life experiences, our conditioning, our fears and hopes and knowledge, till that time. Their effect can be too subtle for us to notice, yet strong enough to not let us see the path of hope. (For more details and examples of this, please see one of my earlier posts: “How Free Are We Really?”)

So, how can we get around that? I don’t have a definitive answer just yet, but I’d hope that consciously and persistently making choices out of hope would slowly, but surely, alter that default setting, and open us up to see more and more such opportunities.

* * *

Lest we forget, Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison! If he can still talk of hope overcoming fear, I think we can certainly give it a try, no?

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